Love Through the Ages: Maneesha and Duminda

‘Back in 2000, we fell in love. I was 14 years old’, Maneesha told us. Duminda, then working as a water sports instructor, lived next door to Maneesha, a tomboy who encapsulated all the vibrancy and confidence of a curious teenage girl: both ‘brutally honest’ and ‘very gentle’ at the same time.

‘I first saw him when I was going home from school. He walked past me, he was wearing a pale pink shirt. I don’t know if anyone believes me now but I still remember the strange feeling I had at that moment. I thought: he is going to be my husband’.

From that day, Maneesha would wait outside her house when she knew he’d be coming home. Preferring loose t-shirts and trousers to anything that would have been considered girl’s clothing, Maneesha confronted the uncertainty that came with choosing to veer away from the world’s expectations of who she should be. ‘No one knew, but I was very lonely… I craved love and care’. Her parents had separated and her mother and sister moved away, leaving her alone with her father. But what started as stolen glances from across the street turned into companionship when Maneesha’s older sister struck up a friendship with Duminda on one of her visits, giving Maneesha the chance to introduce herself. The three of them would speak on the street, out of sight, and the feeling that she had found someone who saw her for who she was, her authentic self, became overwhelming.

When it comes to what advice Maneesha would give to someone getting married, she only hopes that women in particular foster their own intrinsic value before sharing their heart with another. ‘Things would have been different if I had been educated about sex and I was taught about self worth. [Because I know now] that a woman is not any less worthy if she doesn’t bring a dowry to her husband’.

A significant part of marriage in Sri Lanka, where Duminda and Maneesha live, a dowry has long been tied to a woman’s value entering a relationship, something Maneesha feels strongly against.

Instead, she insists that a woman should be judged on who she is as a human being and as a partner. ‘I always felt I was somehow lower because I came to him with nothing. He laughed when I told him later how much I had worked in the early years of our marriage to prove that I was worthy!’

Sharing your life with a partner who gives your world shape and meaning is the most natural thing in the world. But what happens when you’re told you aren’t worthy or that your love flies in the face of someone else’s plan for your life? If you’re anything like this tenacious couple, you rise above it to build a bond that’s stronger.