Redefining the Rules of Engagement: The History of Proposals

Human behaviour is easily influenced. For example, it might surprise you to learn that what we think of as a time-honoured tradition was actually born from an advertising campaign, or that the most iconic act of proposing was made popular by the world’s earliest rom-coms (really).

None of which is to say that the way we propose today isn’t meaningful and authentic. Traditions are traditions because they’re important to us on a personal level. But we want to see if tracing the history of engagements can also reveal where modern love is headed and how our customs around marriage are changing.

Another one of our modern notions that we personally think can go straight in the bin is the idea that jewellery and gemstones are reserved for women. In literally every civilisation but our current one, men have worn ornate jewellery to honour their family lineage, to convey respect, and to otherwise look dashing on the day-to-day.

So thank goodness for the fact that men’s jewellery has seen a surge in popularity recently—from Harry Style’s internet-breaking pearl necklaces, to the emergent trend of men’s engagement rings. Far from being a loud statement piece, men’s engagement rings are an understated display of masculine devotion and love. And their popularity is growing: the term ‘men’s engagement ring’ had over 100,000 searches per month in 2020 compared to only 20,000 searches a month in 2015.

With interest spiking, this could be the new frontier of wedding jewellery. It’s love, for him!

To recap: proposals as we know them today—where a man gets down on one knee to surprise a woman with a diamond ring—came off the tail of the iconic De Beers ‘A diamond is forever’ marketing campaign. It’s development from the late 1940s onwards was due to post-war economic booms that gave way to a growing middle class who had a new disposable income which could be spent on flashier engagement rings than the humble gold bands of yore.

But because these notions about what an engagement ‘should be’ were so obviously constructed—meaning they lack any deep cultural traditions to back them up—people are finding it easier to buck these trends and tailor their engagements to suit their own beliefs and personalities.

Gone are the days of men picking a ring solo: the majority of couples now choose to design their engagement ring together, with 28% of couples saying both people were ‘very’ involved in the process. This may reflect the fact that women now have equal authority over financial decisions within a relationship, including when it comes to ring shopping.

Plus, if you’re the one going to be wearing the thing, shouldn’t you get a say in how it looks?

And with age, comes wisdom, and with wisdom comes a better sense of who you want to wake up next to for the rest of your life. It’s common knowledge that the average age of marriage is rising: the average age of marriage in 2017 was 36 for women and 38 for men. That’s a sharp increase from 25 for women and 27 for men in 1970.

And there’s nothing wrong with waiting for love. Today people take their time deciding when marriage works on their terms rather than feeling societal pressure to tie the knot early. People are also finding love anew later in life, with the number of people getting married over the age of 65 rising by 31% for men and 89% for women since 1973—how great is that?